Move to Iowa brings acceptance, confidence

Paula and I have been together for 10 years. It is amazing to think about the process we went through, both individually and as a couple, during that time. We got together in college while attending a tiny liberal arts school in central Indiana. I never knew anyone who was gay, and spent many years putting on this facade of homophobia. I think it was a mechanism by which I dealt with the conflict between what I was really feeling and what society told me was wrong and shameful.

For three years we assumed that if our relationship were to last, it was surely destined for the closet: She would be my "roommate", and we would maintain our separate bedrooms, quickly removing the incriminating photos when anyone outside of our close circle came into our home.

And then we moved to Iowa City. For the first time in our lives, we met committed, successful, out gay and lesbian people. It was truly a period of enlightenment. It changed our lives. We were empowered by their confidence and inspired by their happiness. They gave us the courage to come out with pride to our families, friends, classmates, colleagues, and professors.

They gave us the strength to have a commitment ceremony in June 2005 and stand in front of our 150 dearest friends and family and profess our love to one another. They gave us the support to welcome our beautiful and amazing son into our lives in May 2007.

Recognizing same sex marriage validates the loving, committed relationship shared by two people. It provides a sense of normalcy to the teenager who feels so different and alone. It gives a sense of hope for couples struggling with uncertain times. It provides the legal protection needed to keep families together. It emphatically proclaims that we are no longer second class citizens.

When the Iowa Supreme Court ruled that it was unconstitutional to exclude gay and lesbian couples from civil marriage, it was a wonderful example of how the world can be changed one person at a time. It was brought about because of straight people sharing stories with others about their gay friends and family members. It happened because of gay and lesbian people living openly, honestly, and unapologetically.

This same type of ripple effect needs to continue, assuring we keep the right to civil marriage. I have never been more proud to be a partner, a mother, and an Iowan and am so looking forward to my life as a married woman!

submitted by Katie Imborek